know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
