his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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