i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
