can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
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Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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