so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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