it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
