Kiss
Puke
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
