guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
