My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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