Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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