I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
