Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
