Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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