I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
