i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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