he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
