college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
