my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
