i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
