it was like eating out sand paper
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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