So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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