No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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