I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
