it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
