dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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