dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's get the cat blown out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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