Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
