I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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