dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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