gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
