I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria