I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"