It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
