you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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