Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
