He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
