if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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