I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
