if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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