Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
