You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
