how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
