Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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