Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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