I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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