I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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