Walk of Shame. In a state park.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
