if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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