idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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