My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
