Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
