I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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