Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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