already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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