you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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