Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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