I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
