those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
