she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
