Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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