I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
