I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Duck Duck Cougar?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
