you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
