Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
