I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
